Who Am I?

Did you know that I was actually once a person before I was a mother?

Shocking, right?

The problem is, however, that I have fallen into Motherhood and have lost that person. I’m not ashamed. Many people lose sight of who they were before they became a parent. Being a parent is an all-consuming lifestyle. It changes who you are to your very core.

But as children grow older, a person must change again or risk feeling like an empty shell once their kids are grown. Sure, I still have many years of permission slip signing and sports practice drop offs ahead of me. But as my youngest grows a little more independent each day, I already find myself with more spare time than I had before. And with nothing to fill that spare time, I often wonder: who am I?

Photo by Andrew Neel on Unsplash

I don’t want to go looking for the girl I was before. She and her perky little B cups (which were so under-appreciated) are gone forever. I accepted that fact long ago. Now, however, comes the challenge of finding my new self. What do I like to do? Who do I like to talk to? Where did all my friends go? What movies do I like to watch?

I do know the answer to some of these questions. For example, I know my friends and I are tied together in a sisterly bond. We may be distant now, only getting to check in with each other every once in a while, but I have no doubt that we will all weave back together one day.

Some of the other questions, however, I’m still pretty foggy on. I feel like I am (sometimes) finding myself a little more through writing. I am also looking forward to trying new skills. AC Moore is having a store closing sale, so I bought myself a sketchbook and pencil set. I have never shown any artistic talent before, but who knows, maybe with a little practice I can learn to draw something half decent. I’m also really looking forward to trying out an aerial silks class. I mean, I still haven’t worked up the courage to even sign up for a class yet, but I am looking forward to the chance to try something new and fun while meeting new people.

I know I’m not the only one who feels this way, and I think the most important take away is not to give up trying to find yourself. It’s probably going to be difficult and uncomfortable at times, but it will all be worth it when you don’t find yourself looking into the mirror and wondering who you are.

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